Be True to Yourself

Hey all. I love this clip of Ellen's Commencement speech. Check it out:



"Live your life with integrity... follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone's path unless you are lost in the woods and by all means take the path.."

I guess I am posting this because I am having a hard time this summer with figuring out what staying true to myself looks like. I feel a little bit lost, a little bit emotional, at times very alone and others horribly confused. I realize that I have a lot of great things in my life, but it is hard to see out of all of the emotion that comes and goes with the days. I used to get over things by staying busy and ignoring them. It doesn't seem like that is working anymore. I don't want to bother my friends with talking about it because I am not sure what to say, it is more than words it is a feeling.

This summer I have had family members fall seriously ill and it has made me come face to face with potential responsibility. I have had friends with problems bigger than those I have ever faced and it has made me question my own sense of right and wrong. I realize that I am not in the best financial state and it weighs on me daily. I have also seen that I look for acceptance by the people around me while lacking the inner acceptance that helps keep one going in the day to day. I spend too much time running away from things that are hard than facing them and dealing with them. I do too much for other people so that I can avoid some more. I don't know how to function any other way.

I'm really glad that I got my Genderqueer book back the other day because I am hoping that I will find some solace in it. Lately I have mentioned to people that I get mistaken for a boy, without ever really stopping to reflect how it affects me. In some settings I like my queerness, in others it makes me feel isolated and identity-less. I feel like I very rarely fit my haircut. I don't want to be all girly, but I'm tired of being looked at with a feel of interrogation. There are days when I want my chest to disappear and others when I love wearing makeup and showing some cleavage.

I feel like I am whining and I shouldn't be. I am really a very lucky person and I get to go to my favorite place in a few days. I'll leave it at that.

Contributing to my Blog

So I have heard from people that they eagerly await for me to update this. Yay. I'm excited that people are also interested in this subject. I will try and update more in depth today.

In other news, I think that I have figured out how I can add additional "authors" to my blog. You will need a google account, let me know the email addy and I can make you an "author". Then you can post to the blog at will. Using your own passwords and such. Neat, huh?

Let me know if you are interested. I also reserve the right to take off blogs that are hateful to other people/identities/classes/races/genders etc. Not that I have to tell this to anyone, but just in case. I refuse to sit idly by and let hate continue.

In parting thoughts, sometimes when I put on a dress I feel kinda like a linebacker in a tutu. A little out of sorts. Does anyone else ever feel this way when they put on specifically "gendered clothing"? I also don't use a purse. I know that I have mentioned these before, but what is it about certain types of clothing that con notate gender to us all?

Teaching and Lexington and Gender and Me #1

I started my first class today to become a High School teacher. While I am sure that this will create many posts on my experiences, I was interested in a few things that were brought up today.

I appreciated many tips that the professor offered for helping with keeping control in your classroom, but one stuck with me. She told us that Men were never to meet alone with students in the classroom. Why only men? Are only Men perceived to be sexual predators? Is it a sexual thing or a power thing? How does gender factor into this? As someone that is often perceived as a man, I listened to the statement with a sense that I should heed her warning too. I believe that all teachers need to be careful with meeting with students alone. It bothers me that the idea exists that teachers cannot be trusted to meet with their students alone, but it is good to have an open door policy for your own protection. We do live in a sue-happy society that encourages people to seek out others perceived to have harmed children and punish them. I think that women can be just as harmful as men when dealing with children. We should be monitoring all teachers and children to see how they are affecting each other.

Also, we talked about professional dress. I realize that I will need to dress professionally, but I keep getting the feeling that I will need to wear more "womanly gendered" attire. Sometimes I hate wearing feminine things and feel like a football player in a dress when I put one on. I hate wearing purses and only put on a little makeup. I don't want to grow out my hair and will have to figure out many ingenious ways of hiding my tattoo. My mom shakes her head whenever we talk about it as a family. This is one of the reasons that I want to be sensitive to how long I want to be a teacher. I think all of this bureaucracy will get to me after awhile.

Teaching is dominated by White, middle class, women. If Men perceive that they need to be watched while working in the field, aren't we as a profession sending them a message that they shouldn't enter the field?

Men in women's bathrooms debate, again.

One of my favorite blogs, feministing.com, posted about an old issue with bathrooms access and transgender people. Focus on the family has decided to put out emails about it.

I was talking to someone about queer issues in Lexington, and what I have found growing up here is that often they are silenced. I believe that it is because there is a lot of old gay money in this area and people are afraid to ruffle feathers. I get tired of the silence though. Bring on the protests, bring on the larger conversation. I do know that the Trans community in this town is often underground.

Honestly, why do we think that trans people are waiting to go into restrooms and assault people? This feels a lot like the lie that rapists are hiding in the bushes. 80% of rape perpetrators are people the victim knows.

Promiscuity by Ani

Until I can get around to another post, muse on this video.



How is promiscuity gendered? How does this look in Lexington?

* Thanks to feministing for this.