holiday greetings, layout updates and mistaken genders..

First of all, happy holidays everyone. The Gendered Lex crew is spread out across the country at the moment. I myself am recovering from some intense family time and enjoying a full week off from work. With all my free time I figured I better get some blogging in. You may have noticed that the blog layout has changed a bit. I've been playing around with some of our options. Don't be alarmed if it changes again. :)

On to the actual post..

I am very rarely read as any other gender besides female. I am a cisgendered, female identified person so I guess that works out for me. However, for many people that is not the case. Particularly for people who fall somewhere on the gendered spectrum in a place other than "male" or "female." Being mistaken for a gender other than your own can be a source of shame, embarrassment, and frustration for people, and even worse, can result in violence.

In a perfect world it I suppose it wouldn't matter if someone made a mistake and called you out of your gender. You would correct them, they would apologize, and everything would be fine. In an even MORE perfect world, maybe gender wouldn't matter at all and we wouldn't be so obsessed with trying to put people into certain categories.

Unfortunately in this world, we're only given two options and we have to conform to them. I really got to thinking about this recently after someone left me a crappy comment on my you tube channel where they referred to me as male.

To give it a little context, I made a video about what comes inside the Tofurky vegan feast package. The video is maybe about three minutes long and is intended to be light and silly. Here is the comment that I received:

"More proof that being a veegan is just a fad. Look at this guy's pseudointellectual glasses... multiple piercings... rebellious short hair... and flanel. Str8 Tool. So egotistic they record themselves because they think people want to watch. Well, i enjoyed calling you out, dear sir."

So yeah. I mean, I know that there are a lot of ignorant creepy people trolling around in internet land, and trust me, my feelings aren't hurt. I had a good laugh about all of the misspellings in his comment and his obvious lack of knowledge about veganism. But I think what really struck me the most was that he thought I was a guy. I guess I'm just not used to it. It just seemed so ludicrous to me that he couldn't see that I'm female. Then it struck me, that this may be similar to what transpeople and genderqueer people experience on a daily basis; people who can't seem to see their gender identity for what it is.

I want to hear about your experiences with being mistaken for a different gender. What happened? How did it make you feel? How was it resolved?

De Las.

Stepping Out on Lexington's Shoulders

My given name has never fit me. No variation of it has ever made much sense. I have often searched for a nickname but rarely ever got one (and never a good one). I even tried to shorten my given name by a letter in the second grade and was told by my teacher that to do so would be “illegal". Jerk. Not clicking with my given name is reasonable to me considering that it came from a list of baby names floating around in my parents' house during the 1980s. And so, because my parents found some appreciation in this name (number seven on the list), that is what I was christened. Now, over two decades later I am reflecting on this decision made without my consultation and feel just fine about wanting to choose my name.

So I picked “Eli”. It's Hebrew and I am (eventually) converting, after all. It is also a popular feminine name in Norway from where some of my ancestors conveniently hail. The question now, and the relevance to this blog, is how this change will go over here in the fine city of Lexington.

I have lived here for just over a year now and have managed to spend a lot of time and energy in the pursuit of social change. That given name has been attached to an impassioned public speech and a full-color photo in a newspaper. The prospect of requesting to be called by my chosen name is also terrifying to me. The wonderful queer community in Lexington has shown me that such an act has successfully been done before and that I won't be going this alone. This post is the first leap of confidence that will lead to the first time I will introduce myself as Eli, nice to meet you.

Eli stands for all of the times I sped through introductions and the roll calls to which I hardly responded. It stands for all the cat calls and the “hey man, got a light(s)?" It remembers all the times over the years when my friends told me that I didn't look like my name. It hopes for a sense of solidarity in queer identity within myself and for that first confident handshake yet to come.

Mostly, it means to say “Hello, Lexington. I am the same crusader for equal rights that I was yesterday. I am here and genderqueer. I was afraid to be me but within your city limits I have found the confidence to speak up. You can call me Eli, nice to meet you."

Be True to Yourself

Hey all. I love this clip of Ellen's Commencement speech. Check it out:



"Live your life with integrity... follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone's path unless you are lost in the woods and by all means take the path.."

I guess I am posting this because I am having a hard time this summer with figuring out what staying true to myself looks like. I feel a little bit lost, a little bit emotional, at times very alone and others horribly confused. I realize that I have a lot of great things in my life, but it is hard to see out of all of the emotion that comes and goes with the days. I used to get over things by staying busy and ignoring them. It doesn't seem like that is working anymore. I don't want to bother my friends with talking about it because I am not sure what to say, it is more than words it is a feeling.

This summer I have had family members fall seriously ill and it has made me come face to face with potential responsibility. I have had friends with problems bigger than those I have ever faced and it has made me question my own sense of right and wrong. I realize that I am not in the best financial state and it weighs on me daily. I have also seen that I look for acceptance by the people around me while lacking the inner acceptance that helps keep one going in the day to day. I spend too much time running away from things that are hard than facing them and dealing with them. I do too much for other people so that I can avoid some more. I don't know how to function any other way.

I'm really glad that I got my Genderqueer book back the other day because I am hoping that I will find some solace in it. Lately I have mentioned to people that I get mistaken for a boy, without ever really stopping to reflect how it affects me. In some settings I like my queerness, in others it makes me feel isolated and identity-less. I feel like I very rarely fit my haircut. I don't want to be all girly, but I'm tired of being looked at with a feel of interrogation. There are days when I want my chest to disappear and others when I love wearing makeup and showing some cleavage.

I feel like I am whining and I shouldn't be. I am really a very lucky person and I get to go to my favorite place in a few days. I'll leave it at that.