OMG you're not a lesbian?!?!

Before I begin, I want to thank Mervin Sue for opening up the posting to multiple authors. I think this blog presents a real opportunity to create a meaningful discussion about gender and sexuality in Lexington and I'm eager to hear what other folks think. If you're interested in sharing you experiences/stories/reflections, whatever - say something so that you can be added to the author list.

Moving on.

I was a pretty lucky kid in that my parents were always very socially and politically aware. They encouraged us to read a great deal and to think for ourselves. We spent many family dinners discussing the importance of healthcare, what is class and why it's important to think about, or world history. Now don't get me wrong, my life wasn't all a bunch of roses - far from it, but this is something I am particularly grateful for.

However, I think because of this experience I developed a blanket notion of "progressive people" and I thought that everyone who is oppressed should, could, and would understand and, empathize with other oppressed people. Then, as I started to explore my sexuality, I naively thought that all queer people must be socially liberal and think about the world the same way that I do.

Can anyone hear that buzzer that goes off in a game show when you get the question wrong?

Now I can see how incredibly freakin' naive that was. And while I get that more and more all of the time, I still have moments where I'm like, wtf? How could you think that??

So fast forward to the last year in Lexington, and my partner coming out as transgendered. Prior to that he was pretty well known around town as a lesbian folk musician. When news started to travel down the pipeline about his new identification I had several lesbian friends pull me aside and ask me if I was ok. I also heard that a couple of them, behind our backs, refused to use male pronouns unless he specifically asked them to.

I know it shouldn't shock me, but it kind of did. And more than just shock me, it pissed me off. I know that people care about me and want to be sure that I'm alright but I also feel like they were making a ton of assumptions about my own sexuality and I felt a little bit like we might get kicked out of an exclusive social club.

It was around that time that I realized first of all that people thought I was a lesbian. I guess I'd never talked with my friends about how I identify as queer. I suppose I got lumped into the lesbian category because that's who my friends were. Since then I've been more vocal and assertive about my sexual identity and I feel good about that. But I'm also finding that it's confusing for a lot of people. I don't always feel like getting in depth either about the way I define queer and what that means for me, and frankly I can tell most people don't want to hear all that anyway. I guess I need some sort of succinct and quippy way to define my sexuality to them. One that won't waste anyones time.

I don't beleive that lesbians being shocked when one of their "own" "bites the dust," or that people getting screw faced over the word queer is unique to Lexington, but this is where I live so I have to think about it.

Does anyone else have a story like this?

xo
De Las Ondas