Tuesday, December 29, 2009

holiday greetings, layout updates and mistaken genders..

First of all, happy holidays everyone. The Gendered Lex crew is spread out across the country at the moment. I myself am recovering from some intense family time and enjoying a full week off from work. With all my free time I figured I better get some blogging in. You may have noticed that the blog layout has changed a bit. I've been playing around with some of our options. Don't be alarmed if it changes again. :)

On to the actual post..

I am very rarely read as any other gender besides female. I am a cisgendered, female identified person so I guess that works out for me. However, for many people that is not the case. Particularly for people who fall somewhere on the gendered spectrum in a place other than "male" or "female." Being mistaken for a gender other than your own can be a source of shame, embarrassment, and frustration for people, and even worse, can result in violence.

In a perfect world it I suppose it wouldn't matter if someone made a mistake and called you out of your gender. You would correct them, they would apologize, and everything would be fine. In an even MORE perfect world, maybe gender wouldn't matter at all and we wouldn't be so obsessed with trying to put people into certain categories.

Unfortunately in this world, we're only given two options and we have to conform to them. I really got to thinking about this recently after someone left me a crappy comment on my you tube channel where they referred to me as male.

To give it a little context, I made a video about what comes inside the Tofurky vegan feast package. The video is maybe about three minutes long and is intended to be light and silly. Here is the comment that I received:

"More proof that being a veegan is just a fad. Look at this guy's pseudointellectual glasses... multiple piercings... rebellious short hair... and flanel. Str8 Tool. So egotistic they record themselves because they think people want to watch. Well, i enjoyed calling you out, dear sir."

So yeah. I mean, I know that there are a lot of ignorant creepy people trolling around in internet land, and trust me, my feelings aren't hurt. I had a good laugh about all of the misspellings in his comment and his obvious lack of knowledge about veganism. But I think what really struck me the most was that he thought I was a guy. I guess I'm just not used to it. It just seemed so ludicrous to me that he couldn't see that I'm female. Then it struck me, that this may be similar to what transpeople and genderqueer people experience on a daily basis; people who can't seem to see their gender identity for what it is.

I want to hear about your experiences with being mistaken for a different gender. What happened? How did it make you feel? How was it resolved?

De Las.

4 comments:

Jessie Maims said...

The first time I was referred to with male pronouns was when I was about 12--easy mistake to make pre-breasts, I guess. That's when I decided to grow my hair out. I kept it that way until age 16, then cut it short again (pixie length). I got called "sir" the first time after that in a Ramsey's and cried, I was so embarrassed. I then learned how to accessorize (dangly earrings, etc.) to prevent it from happening again. The thing is, I couldn't prevent it from happening ALL the time, and I grew a thicker skin I guess, about it.

Now, I brush it off. I know what I look like (I claim it every time I shave my head), and I know people are going to use needless words like "sir" and "ma'am" out of misguided politesse. Mostly, I wish they would stop using those words period. They mean nothing, and can be hurtful when used improperly.

Meracle Whip said...

Gender socialization in the U.S. forces people in a position where they must attempt to guess one's dynamic and internalized gender identity using inaccurate and inadequate static measures. These gender associations are substituted as biological assertions. Sometimes people guessing get it “right” other times people get it “wrong”. Either way-the process is flawed and the goal unrealistic.

Language and judgments based on gender are oppressive and are threatening to physical safety and psychological health.

artdyke said...

I can tell when people are looking at me and trying to suss out my gender... I usually roll with whatever they hazard a guess at and see if I "pass". It's a fun game for me. It's only really awkward if they later try and correct themselves and start apologizing. Or if they try to stop me from going into the "wrong" bathroom. :/

Mervin Sue said...

I think it is interesting that you ask "How was it resolved?" with this post, especially since it never really feels resolved for me. The only time someone gets a resolution in this situation for me is when they ask me outright what I am. Then when I answer them (usually within the binary), it leaves me feeling unresolved. I somehow know that saying that I'm genderqueer would not function really well in the outside world.

I may write a blog response of my own.