Wednesday, February 10, 2010

(Gender)Role Models

As I was skimming through some Sleater-Kinney music videos this evening, I was reminded of something I had almost forgotten about. Not that I ever really forgot the impact Carrie Brownstein had on me as a 15 year old girl with a mere 3 years of guitar playing under my belt, but I almost forgot that feeling that comes with admiration - the special kind - that we hold for folks who inspire us and point us down a path we hadn't come to see on our own.

I thought, "Wow...so that's how you hold an electric guitar."

Though it would be years before I fully appreciated riot grrrl in the capacity of womens' movements or even paid attention to the lyrics in Bikini Kill songs, I never forgot Carrie's swagger, or her infamous kick. I never forgot the serious look on her face that told me, "Look kid, it was a long hard road to get here, what the Fuck are you looking at? Now move out of the way, I'm about to solo." I'm sure this isn't what she means for her face to say, but that's the way it burned in my memory. She was the kind of sexy that I had been looking for and did not know existed. With the likes of the Spice Girls all over mainstream radio and my in depth familiarity of "alternative music" being saturated in Tori Amos, Bjork, and Natalie Merchant (and I still love these artist!), I was therefore only accustomed to the idea of having to wear crazy ass make-up and/or sashes and play acoustic guitar if I was going to really make it as a female musician.

So, tonight I got to thinking in terms of my new gender identity and could not help but wonder: Had I been born male, would I have looked up to Carrie Brownstein? Ever? Would I have settled for Jimmy Page instead? Would I have even picked up the guitar? Maybe I would have been pushed into sports and become enamoured with Dan Marino instead (I grew up in South Florida and he was all the rage back then).

Regardless, I was born with a vagina, took a liking to the guitar, was grounded a lot (hence a good deal of practice), and eventually felt like the locked up female I was and found some badass women to look up to.

Obviously, once I transition, my herstory is not going to change. Ten years from now I hope someone asks me, "So, who inspired you the most when you were young?" And in my burly man-voice I will say, "Carrie Brownstein. She taught me how to hold a guitar like a real woman."


Before I close this out - I'd like to hear who your first role model was and why!!

<3
Jackson

2 comments:

De Las Ondas said...

I wanted to be like Kathleen Hanna and Tank girl :) They were both brazen and in your face and so so cool.

Mervin Sue said...

My first role model was Maya Angelou. She just could move a room of people even with her silence. Everything she said was with purpose and wisdom. I saw her speak at UK and since then have never really found anyone that I connected with as much.